“Complaining is one voice of the dark goddess. It is a way of expressing life, valid and deep in the feminine soul. It does not, first and foremost, seek alleviation, but simply to state the existence of things as they are felt to be to a sensitive and vulnerable being. It is one of the bases of the feeling function, not to be seen and judged from the stoic-heroic superego perspective as foolish and passive whining, but just as autonomous fact — ‘that’s the way it is.’ Enki’s wisdom teaches us that suffering is part of reverencing.” – Sylvia Brinton Perera, DESCENT TO THE GODDESS.
I came across this quote thanks to this blog: Home — Jung at Heart (jung-at-heart.com)
Oh, how often I have sat in circle with women, and have heard nothing but hours of complaints. What irritated me was not the complaining itself, because yes, it’s a first step towards recognising all is not as we want it. ‘This isn’t right’. ‘This is injustice’. ‘I am not heard’. What gave me the irrits was that nothing ever changed. I found that, over time, even with the application of the advice, guidebooks, and tools to enact change, most people didn’t. And don’t.
I had a girl coming to me for a tarot reading every six months, then every three months, then trying for every month, then every week, with the same question: When will he marry me?
The answer was the same: He won’t. He has what he wants now.
When I refused to read for her any more, on the basis that she came with the same situation and the same question each time, she tried seeing a girlfriend of mine, who told her the same thing. Now, we both gave her the same advice. Dump him, and find someone who is on the same wavelength as you.
This did not mean: set your cap for the captain of the Australian basketball team who has had the same girlfriend since he was 16, and is set to marry her. It did not mean: sleep with another team member to see if that will garner his attention.
Anyway, she finally took up with a bloke 30 years her senior, which was also not our advice. A month into their relationship, she came home to find he had cleared out with everything in their flat, including the furniture, the rugs, and the light bulbs.
Most of that story is beside the point. Yes, complaining has its place. I do my fair share of it. But I’m always pleased to hear solutions and enact change to that this ceases to be an issue. Most people, I find, are far too attached to complaining and ‘poor baby’ to change. Some will even get enraged if you offer a solution.
“I’m just complaining.”
Yes, but this is the 14th time you’ve done it.
Am I impatient? Un-empathetic? Quite possibly.
And yes, I have done my time in the barrel of ‘for goddess’ sakes, Satya, leave him!’
Maybe I just have to wait for the complainers to grow up a bit.