Well, I’m home after a few days in Queensland, visiting ThirtiesGirl and my three grandchildren. They are growing up without me, mostly. Every time I see them, they’re taller, and more independent. Grandma snuggles are going the way of the rotary phone. The two boys are happy to hang out near me, but aren’t too keen on cuddles any more. I am allowed to hold a foot or ankle and provide reiki in that way.
The girl, age 7.5 going on 23, is getting too cool for cuddles also. The first couple of days, she kept close to me, but as the days wore on, I became less and less interesting and it was suddenly fun to ignore me, give me vague answers, and not want cuddles at all.
This is the way of kids getting older. They don’t want, or can’t admit they do want Grandma cuddles and time. I know that. It’s still painful though. I have to let it happen. It’s normal. They’re not babies any more.
I do think it’s a shame though. Australians, on the whole, aren’t a super huggy bunch to begin with, and the push is always there, culturally, to be cool, to be tough, and not need affection, love, or loads of attention.
Maybe they see the time I take away from them to decompress my autistic self, and be alone as me not wanting to be around them. I do, but I can only do so much and endure so much noise before my nervous system starts sending out the ‘we’re getting super itchy, scratch until you draw blood’, ‘bite your nails’, and ‘bite the inside of your mouth’ signals. All stimming things that I do when I’m disregulated and stressed.
There’s no other solution than getting somewhere quiet, or at least away from their immediate needs.
Anyway, I’m home. Thanks to my Loops ear plugs I survived the flight and noise, and I’m now in bed, tucked up in soft pyjamas.
Tomorrow I’ll fully unpack and make sure everything is put away, and my toiletries bag is restocked ready for my next trip.
Oh, the quiet pleasure of being able to choose from my whole tea pantry instead of the 20 or so tea bags I took with me.
Blog of A Witch 
You must live in a different Australia from me! Or maybe I just live in a special part of it. We’re all very huggy here. In the middle of the street and everything.
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